


A Day In The Life Of Corrin

by PrincessLopunny



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Crack Fic, Gen, a lot of swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25146052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessLopunny/pseuds/PrincessLopunny
Summary: dragon man is a dumbass more at 10





	A Day In The Life Of Corrin

**Author's Note:**

> well fuck man i'm back to write another fanfic (please for the love of _fuck_ princesslopunny do not leave this one to die like all your other fics again)
> 
> there is a lot of swearing in this (more so than most of my other fics) so yeah if you don't like hearing the fuck word a lot please leave now thansk

I'm not going to bother with an introduction. Let's just shove you all straight into the story. (I'm bored as all hell okay)

Corrin woke up one morning. It was fucking terrible outside because he lives in Nohr and the last time they had good weather was fourteen years ago. He muttered something under his breath that was probably some kind of colloquial Nohrian swear word and fucked off downstairs. His annoying little sister Elise greeted him. "Hi, Oniichan!!!! :3" she shout-giggled. "Today is going to be a GREAT!!!! DAY!!!! X3 heehee" He didn't respond because he can't properly feel emotions when he looks at her anymore.

He practically dragged himself to the comically long dining table in the middle of the dining hall that was approximately 1 and a half miles away from his bedroom (the castle he lives in is big as SHIT man) so he could finally sit down and yell at his gay butler Jakob until he made him some GODDAMN FROOT LOOPS. (Well, he actually had to yell at his shitty waifu-bait maid Felicia this time because Jakob was off being a character in a shitty BL visual novel but still.) His horny yandere older sister Camilla was also there for some reason.

"Ara ara Corrin-kun ;)))))))))" she said in her usual annoying horny old woman voice. God, I hate her. "Shut the fuck up Cowmilla I don't need your fucking titty milk in my Froot Loops again" he responded.

"Why the _fuck_ would you not want "my titty milk in your Froot Loops", my dearest little brother?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE MY FUCKING OLDER SISTER AND YOU'RE ALSO CONVENIENTLY LIKE 10 YEARS OLDER THAN ME _I'M 19 I DON'T NEED A WOMAN THAT MAKES ME DRINK HER BREAST MILK ANYMORE **NOW GET AWAY FROM ME YOU THOT**_ "

"Fiiiiine. Just know that if you ever feel weird and hot in your sleep, that's m-"

And then Corrin stabbed Camilla in the left boob with his chainsword (chainsaw sword) and she bled out and died. R.I.P. Camilla 2015-2020 nobody actually liked you anyway

_" **FUCK,** I shouldn't've done that."_ he thought. _"Now I'll be in MAD FUCKIN' TROUBLE with Garon and his femboy boyfriend Iago. SHIT. FUCK FUCK SHIT ASS SHIT FUCK ASS **F U C K** "_

And who should appear right in front of him and Camilla's corpse right there and then? His older brother Xander. With an assault rifle in his left hand that he doesn't actually use because, well, he legally can't but he would if he could. "Hey, you FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER. What the FUCK do you FUCKING think you're FUCKING doing FUCKING murdering your FUCKING older sister?" he shouted. He's probably the only person Corrin knows that says "fuck" more than he does. "Bet you're in cahoots with those HOSHIDAN MOTHERFUCKERS. GOD, I FUCKING HATE THEM. You know they commit 50% of the crime here in our glorious, perfect country of Nohr despite only making up 14% of the population, right?!"

Corrin glared at him. He is _not_ okay. "S-Shut the _fuck_ up. Please. Get out of my way, I'm calling Dad." he loud-whispered. Xander's eyes practically rolled into his skull (which is never a pleasant sight, especially when it's your pseudo-redneck older brother that's doing it). "If you tell Dad I'll KILL YOU. That old fuck ought to die whilst having violent sex with his just-as-bad human cumrag of a boyfriend anyway." he hissed.

"Geez, Xander. Won't ya lighten up for once in your miserable li'l life? Or will ya just keep on bein' a bitter, irrational, judgemental scab of the earth? The choice is yours, sweetie!" a mysterious voice sang out. It was none other than Corrin's gay nerd younger brother Leo's. "What are YOU doing here, Leo? I thought you had school today." Corrin spat.

"My my, Oniichan. You're just as bad as Xander some days..."

"Would you NOT call me that, you annoying horny fucker? It's bad enough when Elise does it but she's just a dumb moe idiot. You're clearly doing it because you want me to raw your asshole. Which I don't want to do because you're 15 and I'm 19 and also you're my brother."

"Oh, would ya just _stop_ talkin' to your lovely li'l younger brother like that? I know you're just doin' it because ya like it when I talk to you..."

"leo please"

And then Corrin walked away from him. God, his siblings are fucking insufferable. The only good one is Elise and that's only because she's not being a wackass on purpose (she's just stupid and tiny). The others deserve to be thrown into a pit of spikes. [chapter 1 end]


End file.
